A new Northern light expedition: Where from here
She walks through the water that reaches her ankle deep. She becomes smaller and smaller, the water stays at its same level. The image of this huge lake, my daughter small at the centre of the image, the rocks on this beach, the alternating sky full of cloud shapes and fragments of blue breathing.
My bare legs and feet drying up, my hair washed in the lake still wet.
My mothers heart is always awake. She is far away. She is free. Always am I ready to jump up.
The mother-curse. Her freedom is for me to protect and for me never to rest.
Realizing now we are more than two weeks on the road. Above the poolcirkel we rest. I hear the rushing of the wild river, just out of sight behind trees. In the distance I see patches of snow. The very little that is left and I am longing for more. The air is so breathable here, but the pollen is still in the way of making me all but not-tired.
I long for a world covered in snow. Even Norway has been caught in upheating devastation.
The questions have come so fast after I have left: Have a house yet? What are your plans?
I am still trying to breathe after tired of so much driving, moving, (re-)packing all my stuff and all that happened back home before I left. During my first days in Norway, my best friend there decided to listen to his jealous new girlfriend and just cut me off from his life. If there would be a reason to be jealous I would have understood, but there isn’t. His doing has lost my further trust in people. No more they deserve words written about them.
A Rubik’s Cube competition of three full days, my daughter participated at near Oslo. Making me doubt if children aren’t better off average in The Netherlands when it comes to the system of schools. They seem more energetic and learning they have more space developing as an individual at schools. Though, in The Netherlands everyone complains (what a luxury), Norway is more free and less stressed. One can homeschool here as long as they do exams somehow. In the school itself there seems to be less diversity. Which makes me worry for my daughter getting very bored. Lovely are the small classes.
The stress in The Netherlands has also been exhausting me and the way time is (mis)used. Full agenda’s and on the clock life.
No, I have no answers. I figure it out on the way life meets me.
I have to decide some things too soon, because of a suffocating school system in The Netherlands. Probably I will be kind of homeless, because we are not ready to stay put yet.
The double feeling, the insecurity, eats me up. In a way I am just surviving. Soon it is with a heritage. So, a luxurious surviving.
The nature here is wilder. I heard there were no original unspoiled forests, but when I googled I found two places. I haven’t had any goals or dreams for a long time. It sounds sad, it is sad, but this is fact. But for years and years I have dreamed about seeing true nature. Maybe that’s where I should go. Join me on my story with my daughter.
Curious to read along
ReplyDelete