A mind full of fog, hunters, wisps of snow and men running after their ball

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My mind is foggy, drifting between places, traveling and staying. I feel in contrast with the magnificent views and my feelings. The having of an obligation to love summer has made me stubborn. Has made me tell I hate warm weather and how I miss the snow immensely. Is the truth of me making others questioning their own? Or perhaps used of people crying out that summer, the heat is wonderful... I find it even more a dread. 
Though the air is way better, the pollen here explode due to a short summer. Since in wintertime we only get two weeks off it can't bring me to these magical places.

Seeing from so close the hunting: the geese still fighting upside down in both hunters hands and to hear and see the shot hit the most innocent target in the world: beings of an animal kind, I found myself in a crying pain.
My daughter hasn't cried like this for such a long time. The cruelty of this world . . . to see really innocent boys (for they think it's normal) shoot the even more innocent makes me feel this world is full of a want for power, to rule over others, to not love life at all. We have such little respect, also for ourselves. For our way of living, for the possibilities we have or could make, for thinking we are so much smarter (but not act upon that), to be able to protect and care, we seem very incapable of growing, having empathy, sympathy and a natural natures heart. 
I can never win this fight, but I also wont cease the fire in me. For my pain is deep and even if I write it poetically it's a harsh feeling. Even so, without loving life I wouldn't feel this. Though sometimes I feel so broken, feel love is very limited and little to be found, without being able to mourn, to grieve, is what woulld make us dead inside while living. Somehow the ones who truly love and care are questioned, and the ones who kill are justified with actually the excuse of habits and cruel traditions.

I am staying with a friend I once met at a friend of ours. He's very kind. He has a story, which I hardly know or if I did wouldn't share. Only thing is, that when we talk of fleeing a country, I feel I can imagine and feel it a bit. When I also talk that if we keep killing animals and see possession, power and killing as normal, even if it is not of human beings, aggression and wars will survive. 
Yes, we'll always have aggressive people, but if overall the good habit grows of not (wanting) to kill, we would change our mentality towards all life, things would change. I deeply truly believe that.
That those who still need to feel power or are so upset to act out aggressively, would be a minority that could be helped or at least would be stopped in its actions (to continue).
The world will never be a perfect place and even when I look at nature, it can be cruel. Thing is nature doesn't break down nature. We unbalance it. If we were really smarter, we would be caretakers, give space to the majority to this world and yes you got it, that's not us people.

To sum up our last days: slept two nights in the car, I talked to other travel-people on the way, swam (after sleeping in the car) in the morning in the lake I was at, stayed with a couchsurfer from Poland and her boyfriend from Norway at the island Vega, he played the accordeon for us and I recited my poetry, we were both ways impressed of our expressions, drove a lot, saw amazing mountains where sometimes my dream of a snow landscape was given a memorybreeze, lot of vegan eating in cafes (am more active on the site/app Happy Cow now, check the review part), my daughter playing minecraft behind a good computer in the library and with our host in Bodø at his home. and climbing a mountain with a daughter overacting like a kind of troll. Which I was happy of that my host found it funny. Which she was! Though I understand my mommy-tiredness now better. :)

One of my favorite things I've done so far, because of our friend/host Muhammed, getting in at the stadium to see a football match (short after start) for free. Bodø/Glimt - Haugesund. 4 - 2. Which was interesting for Haugesund is from the south of Norway. I counted only 11 supporters against the many of hundreds for Bodø.
The hard core of supporters from Bodø were seriously non stop singing very loud. Moving their bodies and flags. I was happy they won, for don't know what they would have done otherwise.

Though I know the next step I want to go, with many good memories, they also contain painful memories . . .
Loving is a hard thing to do. Shortcomings became mine to have and I seem not very capable of getting out of them (yet).

But I'll keep repeating for myself and for all of you out there:
"A life lived in fear is a life half lived." 

    

With song by Maarten Willems about me. :)
Listen here full song!

Vivian, Nederland
is veel te klein,
veel te klein voor jou.
Vivian Roos, de wereld is
eindeloos, eindeloos,
Vivian Roos.
Levende bloem, zo noem ik jou
Ik noem je lente, opbloeiende vrouw. Hier is het te vlak te koud en te kil
kleingeestig, naargeestig, dus volg je wil.
Vivian, Nederland
is veel te klein,
veel te klein voor jou.
Vivian Roos, de wereld is
eindeloos, eindeloos,
Vivian Roos.
Kouwe kak, kikkerland.
’t Zit je hoog laag bij de grondse land. ’t Is om te huilen, ‘t maakt je ziek:
ruilverkaveling kolder, polderpolitiek.
Vivian, Nederland
is veel te klein,
veel te klein voor jou.
Vivian Roos, de wereld is
eindeloos, eindeloos,
Vivian Roos.
Land van de brave, lege loonslaven
die bang voor gezag hollen en draven. Wat dom en krom is praten ze recht.
Geen uitzicht op uitzicht. Eén uitweg: ga weg
Vivian, Nederland
is veel te klein,
veel te klein voor jou.
Vivian Roos, de wereld is
eindeloos, eindeloos,
Vivian Roos.