Pure, wild and free
One month this summer I made it going up till about 360 kilometers above Oslo. I could breathe again. No asthma, no crowds, no traffic jams, no hurrying, no flatlined views . . .
Oh yes, my probably new home (, the world should be our home, though I tend to go off this planet,) has its flaws.
Nowhere is perfect, but some places are more perfect or helps one in need to feel more at home. That diverse also in different stages in your life. I was the big city girl. Now more the nature woman, mom... still girlish at times.
The hunting (in many countries) is horrific! I heard for example that in Sweden they kill bears, because they eat some elks. Of course people like to kill those elks en dominate nature.
I prefer shooting animals with my camera and admiring them for their own ways.
And yes people in the Netherlands seem sometimes more alive, energetic and funny. Also way more stressed! But yes, always will miss something. But even a town, city, neighbours etc, can make one feel more at home or not.
(OMG! I know, I know, not writing in Dutch, but I have too many non Dutch friends as well. Also I only read English at the moment.)
I have been scared! For fucking 7 years! Most of the time unhappy. When one is unhappy for such a long time one becomes depressed. Though I (try to) fight myself out of that, it takes a lot of energy and effort to do that.
I am tired of pretending to be able to have my home feeling in stability, pressure of society, etc. And those who say: do not let it bother you, or, have hardly any problems, or, are very much okay and do not see how suffocating one way of life can be, or try to pretend they are fine. Those last ones try to make me feel bad and wrong often so they can believe they are right and fine.
Some people start talking about how they miss being more free and seem to feel inspired and brought to life by these new roads I'm heading. Which is nice to see. Many people say to me how they feel alone with there need/want to see the world, travel or feel less stuck and get energy when they hear my dare, see my (real want of) freedom...
Still people, I am scared as shit! The judging, leaving safety (boring though), what is best for my daughter... I have had seven years to feel and think about it and normally a big decision switches off or on, like a clear click through me, but this is the first time I did the switch totally manual.
I saw a future safe but flatlined. I need to live!
So if you ask me for my plans. First things first: emptying the house I lived in. Cleaning up. Bigger plan: to be and feel alive and be a better mom because of it again.
Once again!:
A life lived in fear is a life half lived! (Baz Luhrmann)
Scared as shit, but slowly regaining something pure, wild and free back!
Photos made by our dear Turkish, in Norway living worldly/human friend Mustafa!
Comments
Post a Comment